How to Make Nationtans Do An Unspeakable Thing
by DotTheAmazing
Summary: Italy is annoying. It's not his fault. Let's get the guy whose fault it is! Rated for small bad words. Similar to '333 ways to get kicked out of...' in its randomness.
1. Chapter 1

How to Make All the Nation-tans Do Unspeakable Things

Show Italy a new TV show

He ran around with a bucket on his head screaming "Sterminare! Sterminare!" whenever anybody came near him. If he crashed into a wall, which happened every few minutes, he would weakly mumble "La mia visione è compromessa" and collapse to the floor for a second or two before running off with a squealing "Doitsu Doitsu Doitsuuuuuu!" Whenever he came across a staircase or small hole in the ground, he would slowly pronounce "Elevare!" before continuing up or across.

After a week, Japan, Germany, England, and America ganged up on the bastard who poisioned Italy's mind and *censored for rating*.


	2. Chapter 2

How to Make All the Nation-tans Do Unspeakable Things

Teach Italy a song

It started with a bit of humming in the halls, which everyone tried to ignore due to Italy's reputation. The tune was exceedingly annoying, but easy enough to block out. Then he started singing under his breath. Germany was the first to catch him at this, and promptly had the song of Hell stuck in his head. It spread faster than the Bubonic Plague, and was almost as terrible. Within a week of Italy's introduction of the song, nobody could get it out of their head or stop humming.

Soon, the idiot who poisoned Italy's mind again was caught by the combined forces of the Allies and Axis powers and punished accordingly: by being tied to one of the boats in the tunnel of Hell and forced to listen to the creepy puppets sing for hours on end.

**This was originally supposed to be a one-shot, but I like the idea of some idiot poisoning Italy's mind until all of the Nation-tans go insane.** **Multiple times. The first reviewer to get what**** he was impersonating in the first chapter**** will be rewarded! Somehow! Bonus points if you can tell me what**** the song is****. I won't blame anyone if they can't.**


	3. Chapter 3

How to Make All the Nation-tans Do Unspeakable Things

Teach Italy a new game

It started out fun enough- a good way to end a stressful day, or a boring day, or any day really. Just running around, having a good time. Of course, as soon as Italy got good at it, he vanished. Nobody knew where he was. They called for him, said the game was over, but he remained invisible.

Once they finally got a ladder up to the roof, Germany and Japan locked the jerk in a closet for a few hours. They would have put him somewhere- distinctly less pleasant, but America had hid the keys.

**This one was fun to write. Bonus to guess the game! Shame, nobody knows what the show was? As a hint, the random things Italy is saying are 'Exterminate', 'Vision is impaired', and 'Elevate'. I just put them in Italian. If nobody gets it NOW, I will be quite cross.  
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**Anywhos, I hope you review! If you can guess something, you can pick what Italy shall do next! And no, ZaCloud, the song in chapter two isn't Friday. The song is older, and even MORE repetitive. I will be quite happy if anyone guesses it.  
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	4. Chapter 4

How to Make All the Nation-tans Do Unspeakable Things

Teach Italy a catch phrase

China brought some of his food to a meeting. At the end, there were fortune cookies! Italy surprised everyone with an inappropriate addition to the end of every single fortune.

You will have many happy days soon.

Bend the rod while it is hot.

Life to you is a dashing and bold adventure

The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running.

Treasure what you have.

Your success will astonish everyone.

Sometimes the object of the journey is not the end, but the journey itself.

You will prosper in the field of wacky inventions.

"Accept yourself"

Pray to God, but row towards shore.

You are given the chance to take part in an exciting adventure.

Even though it will often be difficult and complicated, you know you have what it takes to get it done.

Everything will now come your way

The possibility of a career change is near.

You will be rewarded for your patience and understanding.

Traveling this year will bring your life into greater perspective.

Take the chance while you still have the choice.

Nothing is as good or bad as it appears.

Rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together as they do in you.

If everybody is a worm you should be a glow worm

One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears-by listening to them.

You are admired for your adventurous ways.

Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday

An alien of some sort will be appearing to you shortly!

If you love someone enough and they break your heart, you can't stop yourself from still loving them again even after all that pain.

Dream your dream and your dream will dream of you.

Humor usually works at the moment of awkwardness.

The cure for grief is movement.

Happiness is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it.

Give yourself some peace and quiet for at least a few hours.

A golden egg of opportunity falls into your lap this month.

A new friend helps you break out of an old routine.

Fortune smiles upon you today.

Consume less. Share more. Enjoy life.

We cannot change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails.

Isn't there something else you should be working on right now?

Hope is like food. You will starve without it.

All your sorrows will vanish.

For true love? Send real roses preserved in 24kt gold!

Those grapes you cannot taste are always sour.

An unexpected relationship will become permanent.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

Your fortune is as sweet as a cookie.

You are admired for your adventurous ways.

Use your talents. That's what they are intended for.

Great works are performed not by strength, but by perseverance.

A metaphor could save your life.

Your life becomes more and more of an adventure!

One is not sleeping, does not mean they are awake.

Your passions sweep you away.

You will be called to fill a position of high honor and responsibility.

A good time to finish up old tasks.

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.

Love Conquers all.

Your co-workers take pleasure in your great sense of creativity.

People in your background will be more co-operative than usual.

Soon you will be sitting on top of the world.

Eat something you never tried before.

If your desires are not extravagant, they will be granted

TOO MANY PEOPLE VOLUNTEER TO CARRY THE STOOL WHEN IT'S TIME TO MOVE THE PIANO

The best prophet of the future is the past

What goes around comes around.

Judge not according to the appearance.

Good beginning is half done.

Let your heart make your decisions - it does not get as confused as your head.

Present your best ideas today to an eager and welcoming audience.

Become who you are.

All your sorrows will vanish.

We are here to love each other, serve each other and uplift each other.

Integrity is the essence of everything successful.

Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

People who are late are often happier than those who have to wait for them

Go with the flow will make your transition ever so much easier.

A truly great person never puts away the simplicity of a child.

Be assertive when decisive action is needed.

Traveling more often is important for your health and happiness.

Aren't you glad you just had a great meal?

Life is too short to hold grudges.

Your many hidden talents will become obvious to those around you.

Enjoy life! It is better to be happy than wise.

Working out the kinks today will make for a better tomorrow.

**This one was REALLY fun to write. X3 All quotes taken from 'fortune cookie message .com' (no spaces, but FF doesn't like site names...)  
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**Think about it. These are fortunes. What do you say after a fortune? Yeah. What shocks everyone is the fact that it's ITALY saying this... Writing this, I have decided to make a huge fic, many chapters, with each one being a fortune. It'll basically be Germany getting addicted to fortune cookies, and the... 'edited' version coming true. So, will probably be rated M, unless I feel like censoring half of every other chapter.**

**In the review, submit your favorite fortune with its edit. For a bonus happy point, say who got the fortune! If it's awesome enough, I'll let you suggest something!  
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**Oh, you want a fortune? Here's one!**

Bad luck and ill misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.

**No joke. This is one of the fortunes.**

**This was a request from Bhel-Elryss. NOTE: No points will be given just for knowing what the meme is!**

**Congrats to Wierdkid20 for knowing that Daleks are from Doctor Who!  
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**Double congrats to Nutty Nerd, for guessing that the song, 'It's a Small World', and the game, hide and seek!**

**I'm still waiting for you two to input your requests for a chappie, if you want to.**


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